I once had a crush on a guy around the first year of High School.
We became friends. We even went to the same undergrad school. We have been together since as classmates, best friends, etc. We had the same group of friends in college. I still had the same feelings for him that I had since we first met. To an extent that I never really noticed anybody else. I made loads of friends around this time but my feelings were the same. For this guy. He was my eternal soulmate (in my head). The crush began when I was 16 and at 22 I still felt the same for him. We were still close friends. The very best of friends.
Did he know about my feelings? Yes, no, maybe. Maybe he did. I did tell him. But I pretended like it didn’t matter.
I did not want to act on my feelings. Why? Well, I had a laundry list of reasons why… and they all made sense to me then.
To be honest, it didn’t matter to me whether I had feelings for someone or not. I was a very focused student. I wanted to do well on my grades and have a good career.
And I did. I made a very good career for myself.
Then after graduating from college and getting myself a good job, I met someone, at 22.
I got into a relationship with this guy. My very first **real** relationship.
I felt then that all my “feelings” will now be transferred to this person, who was also a good friend. We connected on a lot of shared interests and hobbies. We had things in common.
So though I was not quite in love with this person, he felt like a ‘better match’.
I gave it time. I waited for love to happen.
Maybe it did to an extent. I did feel something for my now boyfriend. But it was not quite the same.
My “feelings” for my best friend were still intact. Maybe now I was more distracted towards my boyfriend but my feelings for my best friend never quite went away.
I finally married the boyfriend.
Things were not great with us before or even after marriage.
Our relationship turned sour and changed into downright abuse. In my attempt to do things right by me I had married a pathological narcissist who had abused me and battered my soul.
Somehow in those difficult times, my “feelings” for my best friend came haunting back to me.
In my troubled times when married, it was my feelings for my best friend that came to the rescue and maintained my sanity. We were oceans apart then and not as much in touch. But only my feelings came to the rescue.
They rescued me from depression, from the dark nights of the soul. From my abuse-ridden trauma.
It had almost been a decade since I had discovered my feelings for my best friend.
The good thing was, he was still my confidant when needed. We had maintained distance since my boyfriend and now husband came into the picture, but we still bonded like we used to. We were still best friends.
I shared titbits of my life with him whenever I got a chance.
When I eventually got divorced, he was there for me. He became my crutch around that period when getting up and meeting a real person felt like climbing a mountain.
He took care of me and still helped me maintain sanity. He became my family during those times when I was fending for myself after separating with my abusive husband.
I finally got out of that troubled period and went back to being a normal person again.
We were still good friends and I still had feelings for him.
One day he called me to tell me he had finally found his The One. I was super happy for him.
But I felt sad for some time.
That is when I sent him an email. In that email I expressed myself and all that I wanted to tell him for a decade.
But it was just a congratulatory email. I was Very Happy for him.
Now all of it just a beautiful memory.
So should you tell your best friend that you have a crush on him? Yes. You definitely should.
I attribute my newfound love for Improv to my Toastmasters Group!
Picture Credit: Meta AI
Improv to me is the most practical approach to leaping outside your box and far into the unknown!!
Our world is so limited to what is projected to us by media, newspapers general social norms, and most of all peers. Each one of us is following what we call the rat race mostly coz outside of it is the territory of the unknown. The place where – there are ‘ghosts and goblins’ – as they call it in fairytales. Not so much coz no one wants to be there but more coz the social norms don’t allow us to be there. Feels like we are given a template of human existence and protocols are set on everything that falls under its radar. We have categories for it – social status, fame, personality, wealth, wisdom, etc. There are norms and standards set on what is beautiful and what is not, what is the right thing to do what is not, what should make you tick, and what should make you jump with joy. Almost anything and everything seems quantifiable in numbers. Private school – Masters from Grade A – Business from Harvard (or the likes) – high-paying job – position of authority – handsome family – high-end car(s) – high-flying social circle – surplus miles for family outings – and such. We get so busy achieving one milestone after the next that we fail to stop and think beyond.
Ever thought… EVERYTHING COULD BE MAN-MADE.. Our core belief system could be based on some ‘universal model’. Not to question why this happened what started it and what the roadmap this was supposed to follow. It surely had a sane purpose and might have helped bring some goodness to the world.
What I got into thinking was… what is outside of it? Outside these walls… the structure we follow. the maze we keep walking into trying to ‘figure things out’. Hanging out in the same circles, flocking together with like minds, staying away from what we don’t understand..or maybe don’t want to understand? ‘black sheep’ those falling out of the herd….
I was jerked out of ‘template’ in one of my Toastmasters club meetings and made to peep out of my box and a little into the good side of my imagination which perhaps is stunted like most of us social ants following the so-called ‘routine’ – reading newspapers every day – sulking on the bad state of affairs, watching movie-reviews on tomato-meter, making a list of movies to watch, ‘liking’ comments on Facebook and making sure we ‘exist’ in our sweet way – told to us by no-one knows who… we never even bothered to ask! Of Course, this is the routine of an average soul and yours could be different. I looked up ‘average’ in the dictionary..though this article gives you the levy of making up your meaning..and the dictionary even!!!
So how did Toastmasters do this?? This is how…
We usually follow the order – Toastmaster addresses – speeches – speech evaluation – table topics(it is an impromptu question-answer session where you discuss any given topic) – table topic speaker trophy – general evaluation – meeting adjourned.
To break the routine the toastmaster decided to take it in reverse order. Everyone was baffled. How is that possible??!! What will be evaluated? Who can get the best speaker trophy without speaking? He said.. why NOT….??!! Just follow one rule – it should be EXACTLY REVERSE!!!!
Initially, it did feel weird when Mr. Toastmasters started with adjourning the meeting first and then it was a strange good feeling to see the meeting proceed after it was adjourned. A positive vibe and anticipation were coming along on the evaluations made on the happenings that were yet to..umm…happen!! It seemed more welcoming than usual, and the evaluation set a bar on it such that it did not matter how it went. The anticipation was fulfilling enough.
The best speaker was chosen (just like that – we chose a person who had been attending meetings throughout but was too shy to stand up and speak)and when he got up to speak, there was this new energy in him – he was already the best speaker and there was nothing to change that. Imaginations started flowing in to answer questions that were not asked yet and it was fun to frame questions out of the answers flying around(on nothing specific really). We all were forced to make sense out of something that did not make sense. But ‘sense’ really is man-made right? When we broke free from the rules, it seemed fun.. and invigorating. How many times do you get to answer something first and have a question framed based on it?? How many times do you get a splendid evaluation on something you have yet to do? Come on!!
Made me think, what if this were to happen in real life? You could decide your finish and then start from there. How would you evaluate yourself to start with? How many definitions would you change? What would your maze look like? How much of it would you want to unlearn after you have already experienced it first…..how would it be to set your milestones backward? What would matter then? Would life be a whole new ball game with no fear of the unknown? Will comfort feel different….will social status matter… will beauty look different?
I put these thoughts forth to see if they make you rise above your box..look around… feel the euphoric feeling. that I had…. and then settle back in again….
I guess I have been an introvert all my life. Even when I was trying to be an extrovert I was an introvert. And while I struggled with this all along, I have come to realize that I am very good with words.
That’s how we introverts express our feelings I suppose. By putting them into words on a piece of paper. And then hiding that paper in the farthest corners of existence where nobody can find it.
Then one day we grow up and realize that maybe our words are valuable. Maybe they can heal. Maybe the world needs them.
So we start digging. We dig into the deepest nooks and crevices of our subconscious mind to bring all the words to the surface. Coz maybe the World could be a better place from them.
Here’s to all the precious words that we are saving for a better time. Maybe the time for them is now.
I haven’t seen him since that crisp winter morning of 2022. It was a Sunday. We had cooked together. And then eaten out of each other’s plate.
We were like two kids. Playing together on a Sunday morning. We told each other our stories, laughed together, cracked jokes.. Danced around like tiny little tots.
Then the World got to us. And we got lost in it.
The distance kept growing and we got lost in it.
I want to talk to him. I want to send him my love. I pray that he is okay. The love of my life. My companion in the Ether.
A Memoir and Interactive Journal.’ In this unique and captivating book, I invite you to delve into my own inspiring story while simultaneously embarking on a deeply personal exploration of your own life.
I started writing my Diary of Cliches one fine morning. It was a very a difficult time. All my relationships had abandoned me, and I was the reason for it. I desperately needed answers but i didn’t have any.
I wish I had a blueprint to handle times like these. Alas, I didn’t. Nobody I knew had walked the path I was on.
So I decided to carve my own path. And then share it with all those who would need it in future!
And Dairy of Cliches was born!
Every morning I started writing in my Diary. I told her my troubles. I told her my grievances. I told her why my heart was aching.
Then magical things started happening. My Diary started writing me back.
I started getting answers for my issues one baby-step at a time. Wisdom started being imparted on me through my writings!
And my life changed!
Now I wish to give back all the wisdom that came my way while Dairy of Cliches took form. So that there is no broken heart in the World is lost in their journey through love.
I spent a lot of time the past couple of years dealing with a broken heart. There was love that got lost, taken, or simply unreceived. And there I was left to fend for myself. Me and my broken heart.
Picture Credit: Pinterest
Dealing with a broken heart is like dealing with a beloved pet who is in pain. There is nothing much you can do besides accepting your brokenness and trying to push forward one day, one moment, one millisecond at a time.
At some point, you get tired of your pain. Your body feels fatigued. Your mind wants to give up. But there it is – your heart, still ailing, still aching.
Every time my heart ached, I felt love for the one she was aching for. Every time I felt love I felt betrayal. I felt like I was betraying myself for feeling love for the very person who broke my heart.
When I felt love my heart felt better. The pain alleviated. When I felt betrayal the heart hurt more. That’s where I got my answer. My heart did not want to feel betrayal, only love. Love for the person who had broken it. Love for the person who refused to receive it. Love for the person who ignored its presence.
So I decided to do justice. I decided to feel love in place of betrayal. I felt love and sent it forth to whoever it was meant for. I continued to do so until my heart stopped feeling pain. Now it only felt love.
Wasn’t it unfair that I was sending love from my heart to the very people who had broken it? No, it was not. It was healing.
I was being kind. In being kind to my heart I had extended my kindness to the ones my heart seeked. And my kindness had healed my pain.
As time passed, I began to realize that kindness was not a sign of weakness, but a profound strength. My heart, fragile and bruised, was learning to heal itself not by harboring resentment or bitterness, but by nurturing the very essence of love that it was built for.
This journey taught me that while not everyone may deserve our love, everyone deserves kindness. Kindness is an act of self-preservation as much as it is an act of generosity. By choosing kindness, I was choosing to protect my heart from further damage caused by negative emotions like hatred and resentment. I was choosing to rise above my pain and not let it define me.
In this process, I discovered a deeper sense of empathy and compassion. I understood that those who had caused me pain were also struggling with their own battles, their own fears, and insecurities. My kindness became a bridge, not to them, but to my own peace and healing. It allowed me to let go of the past and focus on the present, where I could cultivate happiness and contentment.
It wasn’t easy. There were days when my resolve wavered, when the weight of my sorrow felt too heavy to bear. But I reminded myself that healing is not a linear process. It’s a journey with ups and downs, and every step, no matter how small, was a step towards recovery.
Through this journey, I also learned to be kind to myself. I allowed myself to feel my emotions without judgment, to grieve, and to find solace in my own company. I practiced self-care, nurturing my body and mind with patience and love. Slowly, I started to see the world not through the lens of a broken heart, but through the eyes of someone who had survived and grown stronger.
The paradox of kindness is that while it may seem like you’re giving a part of yourself away, you’re actually enriching your own soul. The love I sent out into the world returned to me in the form of inner peace and strength. My heart, once broken, had become resilient. It had learned that love was not a finite resource, but an infinite wellspring that could heal and transform.
In the end, I came to understand that my journey was not just about overcoming heartache but about embracing a way of life that valued love and kindness above all. It was about recognizing the power of my own heart to heal itself and others. And in that realization, I found a profound sense of fulfillment and joy.
So, to anyone dealing with a broken heart, remember this: They might not deserve your love, but they sure deserve your kindness. In being kind, you heal not just your own wounds but contribute to a world that is in desperate need of more love and compassion. And in the process, you’ll find that your heart, capable of immense love, is also capable of immense strength.
Sometimes life balances you and sometimes you balance life. It’s a delicate dance of love, harmony and peace.
Picture Credit: Meta AI
I don’t believe there is any such thing called a work-life balance. Each deserves its own level of time, space and commitment.
In my twenty years of work-life I have come to realize that work is as much in a relationship with you as you are with it. The more you give your work the more work will give you in return. In my twenty years of work-life my work gave me a lot including the time I needed outside work.
There were times when all I did was work. Come weekends, come mornings, come nights, come evenings, come festivals I was working. Work needed me. So I gave it my everything.
But then there were times when my life needed me more than work. So my work made space for the rest of my life to take over. My work trusted me to leave it for a while to attend to the rest of my life. And so I did.
In this time when I had taken some time-off work I did everything I could to attend to the other areas of my life. My health, my family, my love, my relationships – I made time for all of it while work balanced my life for me. And then when I got back from my escapades work was there, to welcome me with open arms.
Then there were times when I needed time at home as much as I needed time with work. During these times work made sure to support me as I gave myself and my home the needed time while also fulfilling my work responsibilities. Work ensured that I had time to cook and clean and live a comfortable life while it stayed by my side.
Work has danced with me with finesse as I managed the delicate dance to love it with all my heart as I loved all else in life!
There is no such thing as work-life balance, each has its own space, time and commitment! And the more you give it their worth the more they both will give you back in return!
Everything changes when you turn your sacrifices into an art called letting go.
When you sacrifice you create a void. The more you count your sacrifices the more you stay in your void and the more you attract more void.
But when you let go, you make space. In that space fresh new energy flows in creating new experiences. The more you let go to create space the more you are motivated to let go to create more space.
More space brings in more energy for new things, new experiences to come into your life keeping you forever in a fresh vibe that attracts fresh new things.
Life is a journey filled with choices—some safe and comfortable, others uncertain and challenging. From bidding farewell to familiar comforts like television and social media to embracing unconventional paths like sleeping without a bed and parting ways with cherished possessions like a beloved projector and laptop, each decision has shaped my journey in profound ways.
But it is only through these small and big sacrifices that we make room for newer and bigger possibilities to enter our lives. Each choice to let go of the familiar paves the way for growth, transformation, and renewal. As I reflect on the decisions to relinquish television, social media, my projector, bed, laptop, and ultimately, my cushy life, I am reminded that true fulfillment often lies beyond the confines of comfort. It is in the willingness to embrace uncertainty, to step out of our comfort zones, and to welcome change with open arms that we discover the boundless potential that awaits us. So let us journey together as we explore the power of letting go and the magic of making space for the extraordinary in our lives.
Giving up sleeping on my bed:
Sleeping without a bed for a year was perhaps one of the most unconventional choices I made. Opting for a minimalist lifestyle, I traded comfort for simplicity and challenged myself to find contentment in the bare essentials. This experiment taught me resilience and resourcefulness, proving that true fulfillment transcends material comforts.
The decision stemmed from a growing desire to strip my life down to its core, eliminating the excess that cluttered not just my living space, but my mind as well. I had been reading about minimalism and its philosophy of intentional living, and the idea intrigued me. What if I could live with less? What if I could find happiness not in accumulating things, but in experiencing life more deeply?
So, one day, I decided to take the plunge. I donated my bed, leaving my bedroom empty save for a simple mat and a few blankets. The first few nights were challenging; my body ached, and sleep was elusive. I questioned my decision more than once, wondering if I had made a mistake. But as the days turned into weeks, my body began to adapt, and I discovered a surprising sense of peace and satisfaction.
Without the comfort of a bed, I became acutely aware of my surroundings and my own body. I learned to appreciate the gentle support of the floor, the warmth of the blankets, and the quiet of the night. Each morning, I woke up feeling more grounded, both literally and metaphorically. The simplicity of my sleeping arrangement extended to other areas of my life as well, prompting me to declutter my home and prioritize what truly mattered.
This year-long experiment was not just about sleeping on the floor; it was about embracing a new mindset. I found that with fewer distractions, my focus sharpened. I became more productive, creative, and mindful. My days were no longer filled with the pursuit of comfort and convenience but with purposeful actions and meaningful experiences.
Friends and family were initially skeptical, some even worried about my well-being. But as they saw the positive changes in my demeanor and outlook, their concerns turned to curiosity and admiration. They began to understand that my choice was not about self-deprivation, but about self-discovery.
By the end of the year, I had gained a profound appreciation for simplicity and the resilience of the human spirit. I realized that I didn’t need a luxurious bed to feel rested or a house full of possessions to feel secure. True fulfillment came from within—from the relationships I nurtured, the passions I pursued, and the peace I found in living with less.
Even though I eventually returned to sleeping on a bed, the lessons from that year stayed with me. It reinforced my belief that happiness is not found in material comforts, but in the richness of experiences and the strength we find in ourselves. The year without a bed was a testament to the power of minimalism and the incredible capacity we have to adapt and thrive when we let go of what we think we need and embrace what truly matters.
Giving up on my laptop:
More recently, bidding farewell to my laptop marked a symbolic break from the digital noise and constant connectivity. While it initially felt like a loss of productivity, it opened up space for introspection and creativity. With pen and paper as my companions, I rediscovered the joy of writing and the freedom of analog expression.
At first, the decision seemed daunting. My laptop had been my constant companion for years, a portal to the world and a tool for work, communication, and entertainment. It was hard to imagine life without the convenience of a keyboard and the internet at my fingertips. But as I closed the lid for the last time, I felt a weight lift off my shoulders—a sense of liberation that was both exhilarating and terrifying.
The transition wasn’t easy. I had to relearn the patience and persistence that come with writing by hand. My thoughts, once flowing effortlessly through the rapid typing on a keyboard, now had to keep pace with the deliberate strokes of a pen. But as the initial frustration subsided, I began to find a rhythm, a meditative quality in the slow and steady movement of my hand across the page.
Writing by hand forced me to slow down and think more deeply about each word I chose. It became a process of intentionality, where every sentence was crafted with care and consideration. This shift in pace allowed my ideas to mature and take shape in ways they hadn’t before. I found myself exploring new creative avenues, diving deeper into my thoughts and emotions, and expressing myself with a newfound authenticity.
The tactile experience of pen and paper brought a tangible connection to my work. The sound of the pen scratching the paper, the feel of the pages as I turned them, and the sight of my thoughts taking form in ink—all of these elements combined to create a sensory experience that was both grounding and inspiring. It was a reminder of the power and beauty of simplicity in a world dominated by screens and digital distractions.
Without the constant ping of notifications and the lure of the internet, I found more time for introspection. I began to spend my mornings journaling, reflecting on my goals, dreams, and the day ahead. This practice of daily writing not only improved my mental clarity but also helped me cultivate a deeper sense of gratitude and mindfulness.
Letting go of my laptop also allowed me to reconnect with the physical world around me. I spent more time outdoors, drawing inspiration from nature’s beauty and the simple pleasures of life. I re-engaged with hobbies that had fallen by the wayside, such as sketching and reading physical books, finding joy in their tangible presence.
The decision to part with my laptop wasn’t just about reducing digital dependency; it was about reclaiming my time and attention. It was a conscious choice to prioritize presence over productivity, depth over speed, and quality over quantity. This shift in perspective has enriched my life in ways I couldn’t have anticipated, fostering a deeper connection to myself and the world around me.
As I continue this journey, I am reminded that sometimes, the most profound changes come from the simplest choices. By embracing the analog and letting go of the digital, I have rediscovered the joy of creation and the freedom of authentic expression. In a world that often values efficiency and convenience above all else, I have found that true fulfillment lies in the deliberate, mindful, and beautifully imperfect act of writing by hand.
While parting with my laptop was not a sustainable choice and I did get back to it after a hiatus, the time away from it has given me a fresh perspective on things.
Giving up my chushy tech-life to embrace my passions:
Yet, perhaps the most transformative choice was giving up my cushy life a year ago. It was a leap of faith into the unknown, a bold step towards embracing change as an opportunity for growth. Join me as I reflect on these pivotal moments, sharing the lessons learned, the challenges faced, and the resilience discovered in letting go of comfort and embracing the beauty of the unknown.
Giving up my cushy life a year ago was a leap of faith into the unknown. Leaving behind familiarity and security, I embraced uncertainty and embraced change as an opportunity for growth. In the absence of comfort, I found resilience; in the face of challenges, I discovered strength; and amidst chaos, I unearthed clarity of purpose.
The decision to walk away from the safety net of my cushy life was not made lightly. It required courage, determination, and a willingness to embrace the discomfort of the unfamiliar. But with each step into the unknown, I felt a renewed sense of vitality and purpose coursing through my veins.
Gone were the days of complacency and stagnation. Instead, I found myself on a journey of self-discovery and self-renewal, navigating the uncharted waters of possibility with a newfound sense of adventure and curiosity. Each obstacle became an opportunity for growth, each setback a stepping stone towards a brighter future.
In the absence of the familiar comforts of my old life, I learned to rely on my inner resources and resilience. I discovered strengths I never knew I had and faced challenges with a courage I didn’t know I possessed. With each trial and tribulation, I emerged stronger, more confident, and more resilient than before.
But perhaps the greatest gift of giving up my cushy life was the clarity of purpose it afforded me. Stripped of the distractions and obligations that had once defined me, I was free to pursue my passions and dreams with unwavering focus and determination. I discovered what truly mattered to me and aligned my actions with my values, forging a path that felt authentic and fulfilling.
As I look back on the journey that led me to this moment, I am filled with gratitude for the courage to embrace change and the resilience to weather its storms. Giving up my cushy life was not just a leap of faith; it was a testament to the power of resilience, strength, and clarity in the face of uncertainty. As I continue to chart my course into the unknown, I do so with a newfound sense of purpose and possibility, knowing that the greatest adventures lie ahead for those brave enough to chase their dreams.
In hindsight, each sacrifice was not a loss but a deliberate choice to make space for new beginnings. By letting go of the old, I created room for growth, transformation, and boundless possibilities. As I continue on this journey of self-discovery, I remain open to embracing change, knowing that the greatest adventures lie on the horizon of the unknown.
Kay’s Odyssey 